Live without Devon.
Just thinking about it makes me feel lost and start to cry. Really... tearing up already and I haven't even typed a full sentence yet. The only reason I can think of that I would EVER have to live without Devon would be that he died. It's the only way we'd be permanently apart. And I just... don't think I would cope with that very well...
'Nuff Said.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Day 5 - Something You Hope To Do In Your Life
Everyone has hopes and dreams. What are mine? Some would say they are simple dreams. Easy to accomplish. But while they may seem inevitable because of the current road my life is on, I wouldn't say they're going to be easy.
Once I'm married, I want to have kids. I want to be a good mother to those kids. I want to be a good wife. To have the respect of my children even if that only comes once they're all grown up. I know that I fought with mom when I was younger, but now that we're all older we all realize just how right she was.
So I guess that's it. I hope to become a mother like my mother was. Becoming a mother seems inevitable. But whether or not I can compare to my mother... that's what I'm really hoping for.
Once I'm married, I want to have kids. I want to be a good mother to those kids. I want to be a good wife. To have the respect of my children even if that only comes once they're all grown up. I know that I fought with mom when I was younger, but now that we're all older we all realize just how right she was.
So I guess that's it. I hope to become a mother like my mother was. Becoming a mother seems inevitable. But whether or not I can compare to my mother... that's what I'm really hoping for.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Day 4 - Something You Need To Forgive Someone For
Okay so I've thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and... you get the idea.
I don't have anything serious to forgive anyone for. I tried and tried to think of something, but there really isn't anything. So... I started thinking of the less important people in my life. I came up with Edwin.
Edwin used to be my supervisor at Superstore. He was a nice enough guy to talk to. But a horrible supervisor. He actually pulled me away from my work a few times to complain about other employees. Like, what? But the thing I still get upset about when I think about (which I took to indicate needing to forgive him for) was when I was sick one day. Throwing up sick. Not good sick. I called in sick and he told me to come in anyway. When I said I couldn't, he said that the next time I asked for a day off or something that he was say no because I was saying no to him about coming in to work. LIKE OH MY F***ING GOD IF YOU REALLY WANT ME PUKING ON THE STEAKS THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TRYING TO SELL... GAH! Okay... so he hasn't been forgiven. Maybe one day I'll just forget about it and that shall be his forgiveness. Needless to say I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that he's not my supervisor anymore. He went over to Co-op lol
There Gayle, I finished now, are you happy? You can read it before going to bed :)
I don't have anything serious to forgive anyone for. I tried and tried to think of something, but there really isn't anything. So... I started thinking of the less important people in my life. I came up with Edwin.
Edwin used to be my supervisor at Superstore. He was a nice enough guy to talk to. But a horrible supervisor. He actually pulled me away from my work a few times to complain about other employees. Like, what? But the thing I still get upset about when I think about (which I took to indicate needing to forgive him for) was when I was sick one day. Throwing up sick. Not good sick. I called in sick and he told me to come in anyway. When I said I couldn't, he said that the next time I asked for a day off or something that he was say no because I was saying no to him about coming in to work. LIKE OH MY F***ING GOD IF YOU REALLY WANT ME PUKING ON THE STEAKS THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TRYING TO SELL... GAH! Okay... so he hasn't been forgiven. Maybe one day I'll just forget about it and that shall be his forgiveness. Needless to say I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that he's not my supervisor anymore. He went over to Co-op lol
There Gayle, I finished now, are you happy? You can read it before going to bed :)
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Day 3 - Something You Have To Forgive Yourself For
This is a hard one. Not because I can't think of anything. I know exactly what I'm going to say. But putting it out there for others to see. That's the hard part. Even though I only know of two people who read this blog and I know who both of those people are... it's still hard. Thank you Corinne, who started this before me. Thanks for having the courage to put the truth out there for me to see. I will use you as an example and learn from your courage. Here it goes...
I kissed a man.
Sounds pretty simple. Not too bad, and I know several people who would say that "oh that's nothing" but it feels like I'm taking a cheese grater to my heart every time I think of it. It was years ago, while I was still depressed. I was making some bad decisions... SEVERAL bad decisions. I mean - I was depressed, nothing made sense, even the things that made sense didn't make sense... you know? Well... unless you've experienced depression, you don't know. And I don't know whether you have or not. I was definitely dating Devon at the time... and I kissed another man. It was the pivotal point in our relationship when things turned around. "It's always darkest before the dawn." We almost broke up and God didn't like that one bit. He gave me a miracle. Things turned around... LIFE turned around. We have since worked through it. (obviously! check the ring!)
I don't know how long it's going to take me to forgive myself for that. Because I know I was depressed and not thinking clearly... but I'm still the one who did that and I'm the one who hurt Devon so much. I'm the one who has to remember the look on his face... I have nightmares about it sometimes and I wake up crying. No, I still think I'm a far cry from forgiving myself. I do, however, have hope that one day with God's help, I will be able to. That would be nice.
And yes, I know I haven't gone to bed yet, but technically, it IS Sunday so I'm doing today's post now! Take that!
I kissed a man.
Sounds pretty simple. Not too bad, and I know several people who would say that "oh that's nothing" but it feels like I'm taking a cheese grater to my heart every time I think of it. It was years ago, while I was still depressed. I was making some bad decisions... SEVERAL bad decisions. I mean - I was depressed, nothing made sense, even the things that made sense didn't make sense... you know? Well... unless you've experienced depression, you don't know. And I don't know whether you have or not. I was definitely dating Devon at the time... and I kissed another man. It was the pivotal point in our relationship when things turned around. "It's always darkest before the dawn." We almost broke up and God didn't like that one bit. He gave me a miracle. Things turned around... LIFE turned around. We have since worked through it. (obviously! check the ring!)
I don't know how long it's going to take me to forgive myself for that. Because I know I was depressed and not thinking clearly... but I'm still the one who did that and I'm the one who hurt Devon so much. I'm the one who has to remember the look on his face... I have nightmares about it sometimes and I wake up crying. No, I still think I'm a far cry from forgiving myself. I do, however, have hope that one day with God's help, I will be able to. That would be nice.
And yes, I know I haven't gone to bed yet, but technically, it IS Sunday so I'm doing today's post now! Take that!
Day 2 - Something You Love About Yourself
First, I would like to congratulate myself for actually coming back to do this today. Go me!
And as for LOVE... I love Devon. I love my family and friends. But what is it that I love about myself? Good question.
I like that I'm artistic. That I'm a good listener and a good friend. But I suppose what I love is that I am not perfect. I'm a work in progress and I know it, so I keep striving to be better. To try new things. I'm willing to attempt the previously unknown, to go out of my comfort zone with the hopes that I will get better, get closer to what God wants me to be. I wasn't always that way and I am so proud of myself that I was able to come as far as I have. God helped me, I know I didn't go it alone.
So yeah... I love that I'm always willing to work on myself rather than being one of those people who expects the world to change for me.
And as for LOVE... I love Devon. I love my family and friends. But what is it that I love about myself? Good question.
I like that I'm artistic. That I'm a good listener and a good friend. But I suppose what I love is that I am not perfect. I'm a work in progress and I know it, so I keep striving to be better. To try new things. I'm willing to attempt the previously unknown, to go out of my comfort zone with the hopes that I will get better, get closer to what God wants me to be. I wasn't always that way and I am so proud of myself that I was able to come as far as I have. God helped me, I know I didn't go it alone.
So yeah... I love that I'm always willing to work on myself rather than being one of those people who expects the world to change for me.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Day 1 - Something You Hate About Yourself
Hmm... what do I hate about myself? At one point, it would have been easy to answer... and I would have had a very long list. But now... hmm...
I HATE how lazy I am. It's like... I know I have things that I need to do and I know that I'll never be able to do the things I want to do if I don't get the things I need to do done first. And yet... I sit on the computer. I play games. I read. I do anything and everything that will prevent me from accomplishing anything.
Hmm... and it only took me a couple minutes to find something. I was expecting it to take me much longer than that.
Well there we go. Day one complete. Fin. The End. Period. Exclamation point. Question mark. Apostrophe. Comma. Ampersand. Dollar sign. Slash. Back slash. Bracket. Semi colon.
I HATE how lazy I am. It's like... I know I have things that I need to do and I know that I'll never be able to do the things I want to do if I don't get the things I need to do done first. And yet... I sit on the computer. I play games. I read. I do anything and everything that will prevent me from accomplishing anything.
Hmm... and it only took me a couple minutes to find something. I was expecting it to take me much longer than that.
Well there we go. Day one complete. Fin. The End. Period. Exclamation point. Question mark. Apostrophe. Comma. Ampersand. Dollar sign. Slash. Back slash. Bracket. Semi colon.
30 Days of Truth
So apparently I have no idea how Corinne organized her Blog the way she did so I'm going to just make a separate post for this.
30 Days of Truth
Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself
Day 02 - Something you love about yourself
Day 03 - Something you have to forgive yourself for
Day 04 - Something you have to forgive someone for
Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life
Day 06 - Something you hope you never have to do
Day 07 - Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted
Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.
Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)
Day 14 - A hero that has let you down (letter)
Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.
Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life
Day 23 - Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 - Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today
Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 - What's the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 - What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself. And why?
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
30 Days of Truth
Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself
Day 02 - Something you love about yourself
Day 03 - Something you have to forgive yourself for
Day 04 - Something you have to forgive someone for
Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life
Day 06 - Something you hope you never have to do
Day 07 - Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted
Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.
Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)
Day 14 - A hero that has let you down (letter)
Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.
Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life
Day 23 - Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 - Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today
Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 - What's the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 - What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself. And why?
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
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